So many men feel that they cannot share their struggles with their wives. Their inadequacies. Their failures. And often, unfortunately, they’re right. Maybe he’s shared that he’s worried about his job security, and this causes his wife to worry and add pressure, and so he decided it would be better to keep that to himself. Maybe he shared that he occasionally struggles with lust or pornography, and she panics and unintentionally shames him, so he mentally says “I can’t share that part of me again.” Read More
Category: counseling
When she’s not in the mood…part 2
In the last post, I talked about the “primal panic” that happens when you feel rejected, alone, and that your partner is not available to you (when she says no to sex, he won’t connect emotionally, etc.). That panic is actually a cry for connection…I so badly want to connect, but I feel that you aren’t there for me! Human nature says we have to avoid this feeling, this pain of disconnection. So we tend to do one of two Read More
Why he gets so upset when you’re not in the mood…
In the book Hold Me Tight, Dr. Sue Johnson uses the term “primal panic” to describe what happens to us when we feel like we are losing connection with our loved ones. For example, if he initiates sex or physical closeness with you and you’re not in the mood. Or if you want to talk after work, and he blows you off and goes straight for the TV. It’s like it sets off alarm bells, warning us that we are alone! It Read More
We all have it, but no one likes to talk about it…
Shame! Shame is basically the belief that we are not good enough or worthy of love. Shame is universal. We all have had experience or time where we have felt less than or unworthy. I think most women have times where they compare themselves to other women and don’t feel they measure up. Many men feel they are not good enough in their jobs, or as husbands or fathers. All of us have things from our past or things about Read More
Do we need counseling?
5 signs you may need to go to a marriage counselor: 1- You feel like roommates or co-parents. It is way too easy to fall into this rut if you aren’t actively investing in your marriage. It can feel a bit like Groundhog’s Day sometimes…come home from work, tag team with chores, chauffeur kids around, sleep…start over. If you aren’t careful, you will miss out on all of the JOY of marriage 2- Your sex life is lacking. I often Read More