So many couples get caught in the trap of scorekeeping! Who did the most this week, who got less sleep (speaking to you, parents with young kids), who spent the most, who did more housework, on and on! It’s easy to have a running tally in your head of how much you’ve done vs. what your spouse has done. But if you think about this scorekeeping philosophy, if you win, but your spouse loses, your relationship loses! Try to think Read More
Category: marriage counseling Franklin TN
When fights get ugly, part 2
So how do we stop these awful fight from happening and how to we move past them? First, recognize the pattern that you get in. Not the stuff that you’re fighting about, but the way you and your spouse each respond. Do you move towards or away. Start to see the pattern you get in and see it as this survival thing that’s happening. Second, see if you can slow it down. Take a time out, take a few breaths, Read More
When fights get ugly
I often hear from couples about how nasty their arguments can get. Hurtful things said, divorce threatened. Why does this happen with the person you care about? How can you stop it? What do you do with the aftermath of damage? Well, there are actually reasons that make alot of sense, even though that doesn’t make it hurt less, and definitely things need to change. When we feel something is wrong in our relationship (and we start to feel like Read More
Is it possible to win a fight, when it means your spouse has to lose?
When you think about it, it’s easy to get into a fight with your spouse, and the intent becomes to win! To prove your point, get your way, show your spouse he/she is wrong. But do you really win, when the one you love loses? I encourage couples to look at conflict differently…your spouse is not the enemy, they are actually on your team. If you’re fighting about money, it’s helpful to realize you and your spouse are actually on Read More
5 ways to have more intimacy in marriage (or how to be more than roommates)
5 ways to have more intimacy in your marriage (or how to be more than roommates): 1- Take off the emotional armor- There are times you need to protect yourself from getting hurt so you need to put up a wall or put on “emotional armor” to avoid “wearing your feelings on your sleeves” (board room, important business meeting, in sports, with a parent who continually is deceiving or manipulative, etc.). But, if you don’t take it off around those Read More
I could never tell her that!
So many men feel that they cannot share their struggles with their wives. Their inadequacies. Their failures. And often, unfortunately, they’re right. Maybe he’s shared that he’s worried about his job security, and this causes his wife to worry and add pressure, and so he decided it would be better to keep that to himself. Maybe he shared that he occasionally struggles with lust or pornography, and she panics and unintentionally shames him, so he mentally says “I can’t share that part of me again.” Read More