Often in the first session or two I spend with couples, one spouse will say some version of “maybe we’re just not compatible” or “we’re just too different to make this work.” I get it, and I know it can feel like this. We’ve all heard men and women are from different planets, right? But is it true, are some people just not made to be together?
I would have to say no, and this usually doesn’t have anything to do with why couples are struggling in their marriage. There are very few people who would actually be a “match made in Heaven” even though there are plenty of apps designed to help people find their perfect match. But really, we are two very different people, with two very different backgrounds and baggage, and we have two very different brains that see the world differently. There’s no way we could be perfectly “compatible” with our spouse.
But the good news is, this doesn’t matter! Great marriages can happen between two very different people. When you are able to develop a strong emotional and physical connection, it can actually be a good thing to be very different! I love that my husband can handle tough situations, is protective of our family time, and thinks through worst case scenarios, while I look for the good in people, understand relationships and like to talk about feelings! When we work together, our differences can actually complement each other! Most couples would really miss out on a lot if they both saw things exactly the same way, and were truly compatible in all areas of life.
Think of an area where you and your spouse think totally different, and actually look for how this could be a good thing!