Thoughts from the counseling couch

Let’s be honest, talking about sex can feel really uncomfortable. For many of us, our parents didn’t know how to talk to us about it (or avoided the topic altogether). We may have picked up confusing or even harmful messages from culture, and sometimes church communities reinforced the idea that sex is a taboo subject. No wonder it feels awkward! But here’s the thing: learning to talk about sex is one of the most important skills for building a healthy Read More

So many couples get caught in the trap of scorekeeping! Who did the most this week, who got less sleep (speaking to you, parents with young kids), who spent the most, who did more housework, on and on! It’s easy to have a running tally in your head of how much you’ve done vs. what your spouse has done. But if you think about this scorekeeping philosophy, if you win, but your spouse loses, your relationship loses! Try to think Read More

So how do we stop these awful fight from happening and how to we move past them? First, recognize the pattern that you get in. Not the stuff that you’re fighting about, but the way you and your spouse each respond. Do you move towards or away. Start to see the pattern you get in and see it as this survival thing that’s happening. Second, see if you can slow it down. Take a time out, take a few breaths, Read More

I often hear from couples about how nasty their arguments can get. Hurtful things said, divorce threatened. Why does this happen with the person you care about? How can you stop it? What do you do with the aftermath of damage? Well, there are actually reasons that make alot of sense, even though that doesn’t make it hurt less, and definitely things need to change. When we feel something is wrong in our relationship (and we start to feel like Read More